Tony and his wife had a Question and Answer video call with people around the world on Wednesday. Couples and individuals got to ask the tough question like:

• “How do you rekindle the passion when it’s gone?”
• “What do I do when it’s my lovely wife that fired me from my job?”
• “How do I find the person that’s right for me?”
• and many more in this 1 hour video session

Tony, in his usual style, cuts right through to the truth. Sage and he have been married 16 happy years and they also have those moments where emotions run high. He’s learned a lot about what to do, and what not to do, after diving into marriage at 24 and instantly becoming a father to a 17 year old.

Those of you familiar with my work will hear the influence of David Deida and understanding the polarity of masculine and feminine energy. There are also many other useful distinctions you can apply today. They lay out some practical tips for single people looking for the one and to the several couples that want to deepen what they have together.

Go beyond the marketed consumer version of Valentine’s Day, which tells you spending money on external things is what creates happiness, and instead deepen your understanding of your mate, or potential mate, in a way that actually causes love to flourish.

We can see the bias toward fear and cave-safety today. One of my favorite futurists, Faith Popcorn, coined the term “Cocooning” in the 1990s to describe her observation that Americans were trending toward hiding in there homes because the world seemed increasingly dangerous. This observation helped launch the Internet boom because she predicted that people needed online shopping and delivery because of this fear-based trend. We can see this back into the 1950s, after WWII, with the “nuclear family” which was a model of keeping a small family unit of two parents and the children, in their cave house (i.e. bunker), protected from the world. The idea that our parents could be harmful to our survival was also taking hold. Could it be that this cave person fear bias is encouraging the single parent home? It may be that the inner cave-mind is seeing relationships and other humans as dangerous to survival.

BUT, there’s hope! I’m VERY optimistic about Human Potential and our ability to learn and grow! Our minds CAN change and it only takes one person to begin to change their local culture. That’s what my clients do.

Here’s a short video by one of my favorite relationship teachers, Alison Armstrong, using inner cave-person awareness to describe what may be happening when there’s upset in a relationship:

Alison Armstrong - relationship expert

Of course, YOU’VE never had upset in one of your relationships, have you?

Since we’re all now highly evolved humans, we may think we’re evolved past the cave person. Our “evolved” emotions tell us it’s: 100% the other person’s fault, we’re right, they’re wrong, and it has nothing to do with being a fearful cave person. (Insert HUGE laughter here!)

I know YOU never think that, but maybe you know of someone who has? Just because we’re a bit more bald now, wear hair products, and have smart phones, maybe we haven’t completely dropped millions of years of adaptation for survival?

Next time you feel the slightest upset arising in a relationship, arising within you, STOP, take a deep breath, and remember this cave person video. Notice if the Negativity Bias of the mind is trying to get you to believe your survival is threatened. Instead, have the compassion to notice if you two are just caught in the cave dance to the music of mutual cave fear. Are you nit picking the other person, which says to them, “I don’t trust you to protect me.” Are you giving them a disapproving look that says, “I’m not going to protect you any more.” Check out if that’s the the Negativity Biased cave person speaking in your mind.

As Alison would say, connect with your Human Spirit instead. Notice whatever that means to you. Maybe it has you do something nice for them FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON. Maybe you just drop whatever the fear thought is, the need to be “right” and safe, and just give them a hug to show you care for them. Notice what higher value than “survival” you’re committed to, like compassion, love, contribution, growth, etc. Surprise yourself!

Do share with us, in the comments, any moments you’ve noticed the inner cave person and what you do to reach for your higher values and Higher Self. Let’s help each other overcome the inner cave person!

1. Opportunity looks a lot like hard work.
2. The sexiest thing in the entire world is being really smart. And being thoughtful and being generous.
3. Everything around us we call “life” was made up by people no smarter than you and you can build your own things.

“Build your own life other people can live in.”

It’s great to see a young man at 35 realize his huge influence over young people and at least attempt to inspire them to live beyond their egos. As he said in this second tip:

“Everything else is crap. I promise you. It’s just crap that people try to sell to you to make you feel like less. So don’t buy it.”

I had the opportunity to work with Ashton’s sister, who is a teacher, a few years ago on a project to teach enlightenment to children in the most challenging cities. I can tell you, they really seem to be very genuinely caring people, especially about children.

In a world where we are being conditioned to follow our own egos because we can’t trust anyone to be our role models, it’s great to see a young man at least take a shot at trying to inspire people. Of course, many will attack him, look for his flaws, so that he cannot inspire anyone. It has one wonder why the media circus is so against any form of real inspiration other can cat videos.

If we can take off our glasses of judgement and imperfection, we might find great inspiration in this short video:

Brief highlights in this CBS News article: http://cbsn.ws/17vBs3F

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4MZgIiJNvPo

You can make 5-minutes to transform your understanding of relationship, one of the most important yet frustrating things of being human, OR skip it and think you “already know” everything there is to be a successful human.

Yeah! I’m challenging you today. Everyone’s got 5-minutes to be more free. It’s all about trust. I’m here for you! Go for it! Watch it with your mate and talk about it. It may be the first time you’ve every really talked to each other about being different and how great that is.

Maybe you’ll even leave a comment on the blog about what you discover from the video?

But, did you know, Gates didn’t do it alone? He did it with his childhood friend, Paul Allen, just 2 years older than Gates. This should blow out of the water your ego’s story that “YOU HAVE TO DO IT ALONE TO BE VALUEABLE!” I think the idea of doing things alone is one of the most childish and painful misunderstandings of ego that exist.

Original video link: http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=7363070n&tag=related;photovideo

We could learn a lot about partnership from this story! Don’t let the media’s focus on conflict to sell products get to you. Instead, focus on how these two boys WERE able to work together for so many years, even though they were geeks with little to no relationship skills. When we have a higher purpose, especially a project that helps mankind advance, the challenges really become meaningless. Dreaming works better when you have a friend by your side. (Maybe even a coach?)

These kids dreamt of a computer in every home and did it together.