Psychology researchers have now demonstrated scientifically that the human mind has a Negativity Bias (see my previous article). To recap, our mind has a bias (prejudice in favor of one thing) for the most negative things in life. If you recall, young Anakin focused all his mind on the negative things that happened to him and he became Darth Vader. Star Wars is the most successful film story of all time because it uses the model for the Hero’s Journey, with life lessons for every one of us on the journey. Each of us is on a Hero’s Journey and what we focus on determines if our life is mostly Light or Darkness. AND, I know this from PERSONAL experience and it’s what lead me on the path of becoming a life coach, or life guide, to pass on what I can like master Qui Gon.

There’s lots of ways we’ve heard of this lesson: the Law of Attraction, the truth that “what you focus on expands”, or simply the neuroscientific fact that your Reticular Activating System targets and acquires whatever it is repetitively shown as a target.

Notice what you are FOCUSING on! Is it the desires you wish to cause or is it the negativity and problems of the animal mind bias. Just look at your RESULTS for the answer my friend.

Tony and his wife had a Question and Answer video call with people around the world on Wednesday. Couples and individuals got to ask the tough question like:

• “How do you rekindle the passion when it’s gone?”
• “What do I do when it’s my lovely wife that fired me from my job?”
• “How do I find the person that’s right for me?”
• and many more in this 1 hour video session

Tony, in his usual style, cuts right through to the truth. Sage and he have been married 16 happy years and they also have those moments where emotions run high. He’s learned a lot about what to do, and what not to do, after diving into marriage at 24 and instantly becoming a father to a 17 year old.

Those of you familiar with my work will hear the influence of David Deida and understanding the polarity of masculine and feminine energy. There are also many other useful distinctions you can apply today. They lay out some practical tips for single people looking for the one and to the several couples that want to deepen what they have together.

Go beyond the marketed consumer version of Valentine’s Day, which tells you spending money on external things is what creates happiness, and instead deepen your understanding of your mate, or potential mate, in a way that actually causes love to flourish.

We can see the bias toward fear and cave-safety today. One of my favorite futurists, Faith Popcorn, coined the term “Cocooning” in the 1990s to describe her observation that Americans were trending toward hiding in there homes because the world seemed increasingly dangerous. This observation helped launch the Internet boom because she predicted that people needed online shopping and delivery because of this fear-based trend. We can see this back into the 1950s, after WWII, with the “nuclear family” which was a model of keeping a small family unit of two parents and the children, in their cave house (i.e. bunker), protected from the world. The idea that our parents could be harmful to our survival was also taking hold. Could it be that this cave person fear bias is encouraging the single parent home? It may be that the inner cave-mind is seeing relationships and other humans as dangerous to survival.

BUT, there’s hope! I’m VERY optimistic about Human Potential and our ability to learn and grow! Our minds CAN change and it only takes one person to begin to change their local culture. That’s what my clients do.

Here’s a short video by one of my favorite relationship teachers, Alison Armstrong, using inner cave-person awareness to describe what may be happening when there’s upset in a relationship:

Alison Armstrong - relationship expert

Of course, YOU’VE never had upset in one of your relationships, have you?

Since we’re all now highly evolved humans, we may think we’re evolved past the cave person. Our “evolved” emotions tell us it’s: 100% the other person’s fault, we’re right, they’re wrong, and it has nothing to do with being a fearful cave person. (Insert HUGE laughter here!)

I know YOU never think that, but maybe you know of someone who has? Just because we’re a bit more bald now, wear hair products, and have smart phones, maybe we haven’t completely dropped millions of years of adaptation for survival?

Next time you feel the slightest upset arising in a relationship, arising within you, STOP, take a deep breath, and remember this cave person video. Notice if the Negativity Bias of the mind is trying to get you to believe your survival is threatened. Instead, have the compassion to notice if you two are just caught in the cave dance to the music of mutual cave fear. Are you nit picking the other person, which says to them, “I don’t trust you to protect me.” Are you giving them a disapproving look that says, “I’m not going to protect you any more.” Check out if that’s the the Negativity Biased cave person speaking in your mind.

As Alison would say, connect with your Human Spirit instead. Notice whatever that means to you. Maybe it has you do something nice for them FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON. Maybe you just drop whatever the fear thought is, the need to be “right” and safe, and just give them a hug to show you care for them. Notice what higher value than “survival” you’re committed to, like compassion, love, contribution, growth, etc. Surprise yourself!

Do share with us, in the comments, any moments you’ve noticed the inner cave person and what you do to reach for your higher values and Higher Self. Let’s help each other overcome the inner cave person!

Yes, we all wear masks. When we are young, we wear a mask to cover our insecurities and get approval from our tribe. We keep wearing those masks our entire life. Inside, honestly, probably every single human is insecure. Even the Dalai Lama wears a mask, if you think about it. When millions of Tibetans are killed while you are the leader, it still hurts, but showing that all the time serves no one.

Advertisers recruit the top young psychologists to tap our deepest human fears and needs so they can show their product as the answer to fill the hole. It’s funny I’m doing this mask work and I just saw this new commercial, released March 7th, which shows a young man wearing his mask. His mask gets him the money and the sex! The mask covers that inner Gremlin’s voice of doubt, which we get to hear. We laugh because it’s uncomfortable to look at the truth of our experience in the mirror.

Of course, advertisers attempt to condition us to believe that buying their product will improve our mask. That makes for a very frail mask that’s always in need of another product, which is great for consumption, but lousy for the human. This is an outside-in approach to building our mask. We can call this outside-in approach “personality”.

What we want is an inside-out approach to building our mask. This could be called “character”. It’s kind of like the evolution of acting. Actors stopped “putting on” a mask and have been progressively learning to build the quality inside and have it come out in the “character” they portray. It makes for a more authentic performance. And in real life, it makes for a more authentic, integrated, and joyful human when the great inside comes out perfected in the mask. The mask is no longer a cover but instead becomes a laser of focused light. My best quality magnified.

How do you build this inside-out mask? I’m glad you asked! You could spend years studying on your own and trying to do it in a closet. But the best way to build your mask is with others! Work with people that can give you real feedback and tools to build your inner world so it comes out. With this  inside-out approach, the gap closes between your mask (who you desire to be) and how you feel inside. You move through the game of life because you’ve built the right equipment for the game. Like an American football player charging to the goal line because he’s got the right equipment and training to use it.

Click on to the comments and let’s hear your thoughts about the mask.

Now, here’s one of the great psychological and spiritual teacher of our age still having awakenings at 71 years of age.

In the interview, he shares that he now wakes up everyone morning asking the question, ‘What can I do to make someone’s life better?” He’s been helping millions of people for years but found an even deeper level of being and living in service. No matter how much ego we have removed, there is still more levels that can be taken out. Still more freedom to know who we really are.

Video here: https://erolfox.com/?p=618

What if we lived our life, each day, from this deep service? What if we dropped the competitive fear-based conditioning and realized that the only true happiness is living in service?