In a brief article on LinkedIn today, Bill Gates says:

“Not many people get to ask Warren Buffett for advice on a regular basis. I feel very lucky in that regard: The dialogue has been invaluable to me, and not only at Microsoft.”

Find out what wisdom Gates gets from Buffet here: http://linkd.in/11YPGWj

On this date, Bill Gates is the second richest billionaire on the planet at an estimated $67 billion. To get there, and make Microsoft so dominant, Bill must have a big ego. A big healthy ego (self-image) has him say, “I know what to do”. He’s really got to trust himself.

What most people don’t see in these “self-made” people is the team they surround themselves with. Typically, very successful people have mentors and coaches. The old term “self-made man” simply meant that his parents didn’t give him all his money. It didn’t mean he was alone in life. .

When Bill started Microsoft, Paul Allen, 3 years Bill’s senior, was not only his business partner but also a mentor and confidant. Steve Jobs looked for mentors, finding Suzuki Roshi (the great Zen teacher) and many other teachers. A big reason Jobs hired John Sculley, CEO of Pepsi, was so Sculley could mentor him and teach him about leadership.

What strikes me about Gates’ revealing statement above is that he asks “advice on a regular basis.” Who do YOU ask for advice on a regular basis or is your ego telling you, “I’ve got this. I need to do it all on my own to prove something”? Who do you check in with REGULARLY to play your best at everything? Who is your sounding board, your bullshit detector, so you aren’t a slave to your ego mind calling all the shots?

Great coaches and mentors, like Buffet, ask powerful questions. You’ll notice that in the Gates article. They help you ask the right questions rather than tell you exactly what to do. A spouse is often a great bullshit detector. They can’t hear the chatter in your mind so they can just ask you better questions that you can on your own. Talking to a therapist regularly can be a great journey to be happier and play a better game. You might find a business mentor that has built a big business already. It could be a one-on-one connection to a spiritual teacher where you can explore true fulfillment. If you are committed to happiness, you wont’ try to do it alone. That’s just the ego trying to make us suffer.

Now, that was OK for the centuries defined by muscle, the physical eras. But our lives are just too full for more massive action. This is why many are being forced to learn new ways of creating change. One of the most profound yet simple, ways for change is “holding a space”.

“Holding a space”, a space for change, is one of the keys to the art of coaching. It transformed my own life. A way to think of holding space is the ancient Chinese metaphor: a tea cup that is full cannot allow any new tea.

Imagine creating in your mind first a space for something new to happen. Like an empty cup. Feel that space, ready for something new, and imagine it expanding out beyond your mind to you heart, your spine, toes, out to fill the room your are in. Now, gently hold that space, it is sacred. Hold that empty cup. Now, invite someone in that would like change in their life. Maybe a spouse, child, or employee. Just hold the space so they can discover change on their own. It’s a magical space. I’ve seen people drop years of struggle in this space. A space where all the old ideas can evaporate allowing an empty cup to be filled with something new. And all I had to do was hold the cup. Maybe put a little tea in first to add flavor.

Try this with someone today. Like anything valuable, it takes practice, but the happy accident when it works will blow you away. Meditation is also the most ancient way of practicing holding space in your own mind. Space for something new.

I’ve got some space again in my coaching practice. Space for something new. So, if you meet someone that would love to experience change, let them know. They’ll thank you for holding the space for their enlightenment.