As a Neuro Linguist (Brain Language Specialist), I study words carefully and how they affect us. Words create pictures and entire experience in our body. The meaning of words is so powerful, wars are wages over them. Don’t believe me? How about the word “God”? It’s d-o-g spelled backward but the ancient meaning has a great affect on entire cultures.

So here goes, the word “dating” is actually an 1880s America slang word for setting up many “dates” to trade favors for money. It was a very light kind of prostitution in new big cities where there were few women. Yes, it was slang for a kind of light prostitution in the 1880 cities. OUCH!

Ever feel like a date is all about trading? You know, you’re out with someone that physically turns you on or you don’t really like that much, hoping it gets better, and hoping there’s a good trade in there? Maybe, he hopes he gets laid and she hopes he’ll be a good husband years from now?

Did you see the hilarious Super Bowl Pepsi MAX commercial? I couldn’t have shown the problem with dating any better. Here it is:

The ad is so funny because it’s revealing a truth pretty much everyone knows but doesn’t talk about: That people are trading and stuck in their minds on dates. That’s great comedy. It points our the truth right in front of us.

To me, the ad points out two truths to save your friends from the nightmare of dating:

1. “Dating” is another word for “trading”. Each person is thinking about what they want to get in the trade.
2. Neither person is present. They are in their minds. They aren’t really even there.

When people learn this about dating, they often panic because American culture only has the training to date. (Other countries don’t “date” but we are exporting it quickly.)  So, what do you do? Only go out with people you actually LIKE! What a concept. Are you having fun with them? If not: STOP! Stop all the logistics and planning. Stop listening to your trading mind and be constantly curious who they are and if your are ACTUALLY compatible. Be present, have fun, STOP when that isn’t happening. When you practice having fun and stopping when you don’t, you learn to love yourself and practice not manipulating people to get what you want when it’s not fun.

Here’s a simple way to keep your mind clear:

Dating = Trading

Courtship = Relationship

What you practice you become.

So, pass it aroud. STOP “DATING”!

Dating is an American phenomenon. When you visit other countries, many laugh at the idea. In Mexico, they jokingly call it “practicing”. Dating was invented in the U.S. at the turn of the century as towns were springing up in the West. These towns consisted of male workers, cattle drivers, gold prospectors, miners, rail men, and just a few prostitutes. Women wanted to move out to these towns but didn’t want to partake in the oldest profession and couldn’t work in a mine or do hard labor. So, these early pioneers came up with a new system. Instead of having sex for money right away, they would set a “date” in the future for escalating exchange. First “date”, he’d pay for a meal and she might “let’” him kiss her cheek. On the second “date”, maybe a kiss on the lips after a particularly nice dinner and a show. Eventually, he would buy her gifts and maybe even pay her rent. A women would schedule dates several men and have her meals, clothing, rent covered. She’d wait as long as possible to have sex so the man had incentive to spend more money.

Unbelievable you say? Check your history. This is why “dating” seems so awkward. Why men feel pressure to spend money for sex and women feel weird about the need to provide sex. “Dating” is only about trading resources: sex for money. That’s why we don’t see “dating” in the rest of the world, but like most things, we’re exporting “dating” to other countries.

What’s the alternative? Getting together with the opposite sex to get to know them and decide if you actually like them! Remove sex and money from the equation and you have two humans. Now it’s about seeing their qualities rather than their resources.

I call this Soul Mating, not dating.

First step, get together for FUN! If it’s not a fun get together, why do it? Go on a hike, bike ride, bowling. Ask the other person to come along somewhere with you rather than setting a date that’s like an interview. As soon as it’s not fun, stop seeing the person. Until you’re ready to get married and commit to mutual growth, you may only have fun with people. Your inner child is part of your soul. Take your soul out to play.

Next, let’s start the process of getting to know another’s soul. The soul is simply the reason we are on the planet beyond sex, money, consumption and elimination. Engage in a mating ritual that filters whether both of you will inspire each other’s soul to grow and the souls of others. Now add in the sex and money for a sweet cocktail. Shake and drink up the bliss.

Click the comment link below now and let’s hear your perspective on “dating”.