Tony and his wife had a Question and Answer video call with people around the world on Wednesday. Couples and individuals got to ask the tough question like:

• “How do you rekindle the passion when it’s gone?”
• “What do I do when it’s my lovely wife that fired me from my job?”
• “How do I find the person that’s right for me?”
• and many more in this 1 hour video session

Tony, in his usual style, cuts right through to the truth. Sage and he have been married 16 happy years and they also have those moments where emotions run high. He’s learned a lot about what to do, and what not to do, after diving into marriage at 24 and instantly becoming a father to a 17 year old.

Those of you familiar with my work will hear the influence of David Deida and understanding the polarity of masculine and feminine energy. There are also many other useful distinctions you can apply today. They lay out some practical tips for single people looking for the one and to the several couples that want to deepen what they have together.

Go beyond the marketed consumer version of Valentine’s Day, which tells you spending money on external things is what creates happiness, and instead deepen your understanding of your mate, or potential mate, in a way that actually causes love to flourish.

Yes, we all wear masks. When we are young, we wear a mask to cover our insecurities and get approval from our tribe. We keep wearing those masks our entire life. Inside, honestly, probably every single human is insecure. Even the Dalai Lama wears a mask, if you think about it. When millions of Tibetans are killed while you are the leader, it still hurts, but showing that all the time serves no one.

Advertisers recruit the top young psychologists to tap our deepest human fears and needs so they can show their product as the answer to fill the hole. It’s funny I’m doing this mask work and I just saw this new commercial, released March 7th, which shows a young man wearing his mask. His mask gets him the money and the sex! The mask covers that inner Gremlin’s voice of doubt, which we get to hear. We laugh because it’s uncomfortable to look at the truth of our experience in the mirror.

Of course, advertisers attempt to condition us to believe that buying their product will improve our mask. That makes for a very frail mask that’s always in need of another product, which is great for consumption, but lousy for the human. This is an outside-in approach to building our mask. We can call this outside-in approach “personality”.

What we want is an inside-out approach to building our mask. This could be called “character”. It’s kind of like the evolution of acting. Actors stopped “putting on” a mask and have been progressively learning to build the quality inside and have it come out in the “character” they portray. It makes for a more authentic performance. And in real life, it makes for a more authentic, integrated, and joyful human when the great inside comes out perfected in the mask. The mask is no longer a cover but instead becomes a laser of focused light. My best quality magnified.

How do you build this inside-out mask? I’m glad you asked! You could spend years studying on your own and trying to do it in a closet. But the best way to build your mask is with others! Work with people that can give you real feedback and tools to build your inner world so it comes out. With this  inside-out approach, the gap closes between your mask (who you desire to be) and how you feel inside. You move through the game of life because you’ve built the right equipment for the game. Like an American football player charging to the goal line because he’s got the right equipment and training to use it.

Click on to the comments and let’s hear your thoughts about the mask.

The movie “Click” has an amazing scene that shows exactly when we lose our kids. Adam Sandler’s character spends years without a connection to his kids and can’t figure out why.

We are born to help. It’s everyone’s & everything’s purpose. Water helps all life exist. The air helps create waves & cells get oxygen. The rocks & earth hold us up; without them there would be no Earth. Insects, birds, lions, even rats… they all help in some way. So, your purpose is to help too.

Remember when you were really little? (OK, maybe you don’t remember, but give it a shot.) How much joy did you feel helping your parents? To this day, I love fixing mechanical things because my dad would ask me if I wanted to help him. I was 5, and didn’t even know what the tools were called. He taught me. I wasn’t much help, other than just being by his side, reminding him to have fun.

When did your parents stop asking you for help? Maybe they started demanding things from you or said, “no thanks”. It’s a great wound for most all of us. It’s the point when we break from our parent. Now, when did you stop asking YOUR kids for help? I’m not talking about demanding performance out of them or being needy! I’m talking about seeing them as GREAT and wanting them by your side just because of who they are.

If you want a deeper connection with your kids, or ANYONE, ask them today to help you with something, especially something trivial.

Click here to see video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zK0xN-zesmk

I’m a bit of a tech geek and love learning about innovation. Yesterday, Sir Richard Branson was interviewed about his new Project magazine exclusively for the iPad. (He’s quite real, funny, and human too, causing a couple bleeps!)

Ignore the techie stuff, just as Sir Richard does, and listen when he talks about 1) the world and 2) himself. You’ll hear his values and beliefs pop out.

At 5:44 minutes he says a profound clue: “being a bit of an adventurer myself.” The interviewer picks up on it. In that moment, Richard shares how he sees himself, his “identity” as “an adventurer”. Identity is one of the highest levels of change. Here, we hear a top value (adventure) and an identity, in the same sentence.

Try this on for yourself: What if “adventure” was the most important thing to you? What would your life be like? Would you start a space ship company like Richard did? Probably! Now, see yourself as an adventurer, in your mind’s eye. What would that look like? Make it joyful. Now, what’s possible?

What’s your identity? Are you just just a “worker” or “father”? Or, are you a “loving man”? Declare who you are, your identity, and watch what happens. When I really got, “I’m a coach”, I not only stopped drinking alcohol, but almost everything about me started to change to fit that new empowering picture. Play with some “I am…” declarations this week.

A bonus modeling tip: notice how much Branson looks UP with his eyes. That’s our visual center. He’s looking inside at amazing pictures he wants to share with us. Try looking down and getting sad. Not possible, right? Try looking up more often, as you are thinking, and watch what creative ideas come to you.

The key lessons:

1. A leader needs the guts to stand alone and look ridiculous. Be happy being a nut!
2. He must be easy to follow. Remember the importance of nurturing the first few followers as equals. Make everything clearly about the movement, not yourself.
3. The First Follower transforms a lone nut into a leader. The later followers emulate the First Follower, not the leader.
4. Be public. Be easy to follow.
5. Leadership is over glorified. It is the First Follower that transforms a nut into a leader. There is no movement without the first follower.

View online: https://erolfox.com/?p=490